I’ve been listening to “Cruisin’,” by Huey Lewis and the News with Gwyneth Paltrow on repeat since Tuesday. It sounds how my week feels. It’s been a neat week. I’ve been praying for wisdom for a few questions in my life the last couple of weeks, and I got it. In March I heard Sy Rogers preach on the character of God. He said if he compared his past experiences with God he recognized the pattern, God’s Character is innately good. He’s always proven himself to be good, so why would he not continue to demonstrate his character as such? This revelation propelled me through my hardest days waiting for breakthrough to come. The day I received the full revelation was the day I was offered my job. Once I got this revelation it changed how I saw all else. He is always good.
Despite this revelation it still amazes me when I see the word become life and activate a part of me. The Bible says whomever lacks wisdom should ask for it and it will be freely given. This time instead of trying to figure it all out on my own, talk to 19 different people about what they thought, and feel frustrated, I recognized I didn’t know the answers and I needed help. So, I asked for wisdom specifically and he gave it me. Through this wisdom I was able to come to the answers myself. I applied his wisdom and it told me exactly where I stood. I think I feel so humbled because I trusted and he gave it to me. He is working in me and I am growing and maturing as a person. I like who I am and it’s a nice place to be.
Don’t get me wrong I have my stuff, I always will, but it never stops amazing me when God moves in my life. It amazes me how grandly he can move in the simplest of things, in the little details of the everyday. I find humor and humility in how much it moves me; someone who once deeply struggled to see the power in the everyday.
I’m really grateful this week. I’m always thankful, but I get busy and unfocused and I think I forget to be grateful. I’m grateful for my job and how it’s moving me closer to my dreams. I’m grateful God wanted me and likes using me. I’m grateful I live a dynamic life that leads to adventure and possibility. I’m grateful for the people in my world who color my days shades I would never think to use. It’s just a nice week and I’m grateful for it. It feels how the song sounds, I’m cruising, grateful and thankful we’re cruisin’ together.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Monday, November 1, 2010
99 Problems and a Gym Ain't 1
I’m going to be really honest here. So much so I’m really hoping certain people won’t read it, but I don’t know how to tell you the beautiful part of this story with out telling you the dirty part too. I haven’t been to the gym since August 1 and I was starting to pick up some of my bad eating habits. Now, I have stayed active and done some work outs but I have not been diligent with it. There were some circumstances but somewhere about mid-September I started telling myself I had to make a priority in my finances and my time to get back to the gym. Let’s be honest, If I didn’t it was always going to be something. Last week I decided enough-was-a-enough and I wasn’t happy. I hadn’t gained any weight, even when shopping in New York, I was buying smaller sizes. I just didn’t feel good. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to continue to buy the smaller sizes if I didn’t get back to my work out regimen and back to my lifestyle change.
Insert a bunch of emotional and sarcastic internal garbage and we come to…If I’m not happy with what I see in the mirror then I need to change it. I have the power with in me to make the choices that will change the way I feel about what I see when I look in the mirror lately. I was really happy a month ago, so if I’m not happy now, I am responsible for fixing that. I think we have a lot more control over our “happiness” than we realize. I just talked to a friend about fighting condemnation today and I have been in a sparring match with myself the last two weeks doing the same thing. So today I went to the gym and I joined it. I then came home and did a yoga session on my cable on demand because I needed some really good stretching today for my back. I did something. I find it funny how condemnation can keep you in the same spot. It paralyzes you, pinning you down by sitting on your chest showing you just what you don’t want to see. If I get up though, it has no where to sit.
When I start to understand how to really renew my mind, change my actions, and see different results; I really understand a multitude more about my life. I understand change is real and I can do it. I surprise myself when I start to see the changes I am seeing and mostly because I decided to stop believing I never would change. There is power in the little things. Signing up for the gym and doing some stretches may not be a three hour work out where I burn nine billion calories, but it is where I pick back up and continue on my journey. There is sweet relief when you find your way back on the path you were meaning to go, when you thought for sure you were lost for good.
It wasn’t a lot but it was something. Tomorrow I will get off work come home and change, and at seven I will be in my first class at my new gym. This lifestyle change is real. I am really changing. I can honestly say I’ve never come this far before, I don’t really mean physically but in the mental commitment of it. I have never picked myself up, dusted myself off and got back on track in this area so quickly before. I’m so happy to know my character has changed and as it is changing the rest of me is changing too. What was sick is being healed, what was scared is growing confidant, and what is coming is attainable and I’m so thankful for grace.
PS If you are new to the blog I suggest earlier posts, Investment and Fat Kid.
Insert a bunch of emotional and sarcastic internal garbage and we come to…If I’m not happy with what I see in the mirror then I need to change it. I have the power with in me to make the choices that will change the way I feel about what I see when I look in the mirror lately. I was really happy a month ago, so if I’m not happy now, I am responsible for fixing that. I think we have a lot more control over our “happiness” than we realize. I just talked to a friend about fighting condemnation today and I have been in a sparring match with myself the last two weeks doing the same thing. So today I went to the gym and I joined it. I then came home and did a yoga session on my cable on demand because I needed some really good stretching today for my back. I did something. I find it funny how condemnation can keep you in the same spot. It paralyzes you, pinning you down by sitting on your chest showing you just what you don’t want to see. If I get up though, it has no where to sit.
When I start to understand how to really renew my mind, change my actions, and see different results; I really understand a multitude more about my life. I understand change is real and I can do it. I surprise myself when I start to see the changes I am seeing and mostly because I decided to stop believing I never would change. There is power in the little things. Signing up for the gym and doing some stretches may not be a three hour work out where I burn nine billion calories, but it is where I pick back up and continue on my journey. There is sweet relief when you find your way back on the path you were meaning to go, when you thought for sure you were lost for good.
It wasn’t a lot but it was something. Tomorrow I will get off work come home and change, and at seven I will be in my first class at my new gym. This lifestyle change is real. I am really changing. I can honestly say I’ve never come this far before, I don’t really mean physically but in the mental commitment of it. I have never picked myself up, dusted myself off and got back on track in this area so quickly before. I’m so happy to know my character has changed and as it is changing the rest of me is changing too. What was sick is being healed, what was scared is growing confidant, and what is coming is attainable and I’m so thankful for grace.
PS If you are new to the blog I suggest earlier posts, Investment and Fat Kid.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Never Follow the White Rabbit
Its 1:15 in the afternoon on a Tuesday and I’m dressed for work writing as I wait for my car, Barbie, to be repaired. I have been working on getting her fixed for the last week and this morning she finally decided enough was a enough and took a break right on the side of the road. Needless to say my morning has been stressful. It’s amazing what a rabbit hole of negativity my head can be on days where my emotions try to wear the pants in this family. A year and a half ago I had a crush and my friend Joy told me in the midst of it I was capable of controlling my emotions. It was hard, but I could do it. Ever since then I have put this truth into hard practice. Today is one of those days.
It amazes me how everything can feel as if it’s spiraling down on you. Really, in the long view of things, how big of a deal is it I have to drain the savings I have been working so hard to obtain, to fix a car with a payment, I am grateful for but don’t really like? It really isn’t. It won’t be like this forever, today is just a day and it’s not the long view of my life. But man, somewhere in there my mind had me spun out almost in tears over so many ridiculous lies. It’s amazing to me how from an unforgiving morning of circumstance, the lies start to encompass every part of my life! I am thankful I have come to a place where I have learned to balance my emotions better. I am not being run by them, I refuse to give into them, and it’s a nice place to be where the little goodness’ of the day reveal God’s grace. I’ve learned enough to know, where God’s grace and goodness are, his glory is smack dab in the middle of it.
The best part of the day so far is it’s warm enough outside to wear my summer uniform to work and no matter how I feel I always feel pretty in this dress. It’s also the most comfortable thing I own. My car will get fixed, money will eventually find its way back to my savings, my dad is awesome, my friends are generous and really I’m blessed beyond measure. When I see it that way I feel peace, something I am getting used to learning how to find – To accept it. By controlling my emotions I am able to surrender to peace. I sort of sink into it, like when you are sinking down into a warm tub. Inside, where my nervous stirs, sinks into a tub of grace and peace I guess is what grace feels like. I just learned it’s always been there, I just had my back to it in my effort to carry it all by myself.
Never follow the white rabbit; his tunnels always lead deeper than is really necessary to follow. We make the choice of where we set our focus. We choose our route on this journey; people who make it to the end keep their focus on the end, not the stuff on the sides. Stay focused, mind your course, find the peace and remember there is lots of possibility in a day if you just choose to see it.
Its 2:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday now, I’m dressed for work and I still am writing as I wait for my car, Barbie, to be repaired. I’m getting frustrated to be honest. Work is looking further and further away today. However, grace has allowed it not to be too hectic of a day at work and it’s good my car is getting fixed and there is a light at the end of the tunnel with this ordeal. From where I sit I can see his glory in the place I sit inside. Rested and certain it’s all ok. Nothings changed. God’s still good, his mercies are still new every morning, the day has loads of possibility within it and tomorrow will be here soon enough. So there you go.
Yeah, so there you go.
It amazes me how everything can feel as if it’s spiraling down on you. Really, in the long view of things, how big of a deal is it I have to drain the savings I have been working so hard to obtain, to fix a car with a payment, I am grateful for but don’t really like? It really isn’t. It won’t be like this forever, today is just a day and it’s not the long view of my life. But man, somewhere in there my mind had me spun out almost in tears over so many ridiculous lies. It’s amazing to me how from an unforgiving morning of circumstance, the lies start to encompass every part of my life! I am thankful I have come to a place where I have learned to balance my emotions better. I am not being run by them, I refuse to give into them, and it’s a nice place to be where the little goodness’ of the day reveal God’s grace. I’ve learned enough to know, where God’s grace and goodness are, his glory is smack dab in the middle of it.
The best part of the day so far is it’s warm enough outside to wear my summer uniform to work and no matter how I feel I always feel pretty in this dress. It’s also the most comfortable thing I own. My car will get fixed, money will eventually find its way back to my savings, my dad is awesome, my friends are generous and really I’m blessed beyond measure. When I see it that way I feel peace, something I am getting used to learning how to find – To accept it. By controlling my emotions I am able to surrender to peace. I sort of sink into it, like when you are sinking down into a warm tub. Inside, where my nervous stirs, sinks into a tub of grace and peace I guess is what grace feels like. I just learned it’s always been there, I just had my back to it in my effort to carry it all by myself.
Never follow the white rabbit; his tunnels always lead deeper than is really necessary to follow. We make the choice of where we set our focus. We choose our route on this journey; people who make it to the end keep their focus on the end, not the stuff on the sides. Stay focused, mind your course, find the peace and remember there is lots of possibility in a day if you just choose to see it.
Its 2:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday now, I’m dressed for work and I still am writing as I wait for my car, Barbie, to be repaired. I’m getting frustrated to be honest. Work is looking further and further away today. However, grace has allowed it not to be too hectic of a day at work and it’s good my car is getting fixed and there is a light at the end of the tunnel with this ordeal. From where I sit I can see his glory in the place I sit inside. Rested and certain it’s all ok. Nothings changed. God’s still good, his mercies are still new every morning, the day has loads of possibility within it and tomorrow will be here soon enough. So there you go.
Yeah, so there you go.
Friday, October 15, 2010
1+1=
I made a commitment when I started my job, I would only add to the environment. If I was going to put my hands to this office I was going to use them to build and not tear down. I made the determination of who I was going to be before I even started, that way no matter who the people I worked with were, I only added no matter what. There is a small cluster of our tiny team who sort of bounce off each other and to be honest, I don’t really think they are too funny or interesting. They think they are funny and are quite loud about it but to each his own, I love being able to listen to my iPod and get lost in my work.
There is someone on my team who passes a lot of judgment. They are quite witty about it and dramatic but it is what it is. We eat a lot of cake in my department. Seriously, it’s almost a weekly thing. I think I’ve only eaten it twice but there is a lot of cake. The other day it was again a reason for cake and the “funny” ones were eating cake while discussing how they shouldn’t. In the middle of this conversation the “judge” told someone they were living a sedentary life and to mind what they ate. After the banter from this argument, they pass by my desk fall into their chair and say, “whew, I’m tired.” What I wanted to respond with was, “Well, passing all that judgment can wear you out!” I kept my mouth shut but drafted an email to the girl who sits next to me and is a bit Daria with me amongst our office of Ken and Barbies.
I drafted the email telling her my response with a few lines explaining my restraint. Then I remembered and glanced at the only hot pink sticky amidst the multiple yellow ones hanging around my monitors. ALWAYS ONLY ADD. If I sent this all I was doing was stirring up an us-against-them mentality which makes me exactly part of what I don’t love about this little clique. I wasn’t looking at the good, I wasn’t building relationship, I wasn’t building respect, I wasn’t Adding anything.
I don’t have to like everyone but I do have to respect everyone. People are people and I am no greater. I have to keep the right perspective of people. If I am going to love them I need to love them even when I’d rather give into the nasty in me. Sometimes giving into that meanness feels really good or is really funny, but that’s not loving people and what if I am here on purpose? I think it’s important to remember, God wants and can use us at any moment. I think I sometimes get to comfortable and familiar with God and think he can’t use any moment, any thought, or any word to change a life. Sometimes I need to remember to get out of the way. If I’m not adding I’m in the way.
I deleted the email.
There is someone on my team who passes a lot of judgment. They are quite witty about it and dramatic but it is what it is. We eat a lot of cake in my department. Seriously, it’s almost a weekly thing. I think I’ve only eaten it twice but there is a lot of cake. The other day it was again a reason for cake and the “funny” ones were eating cake while discussing how they shouldn’t. In the middle of this conversation the “judge” told someone they were living a sedentary life and to mind what they ate. After the banter from this argument, they pass by my desk fall into their chair and say, “whew, I’m tired.” What I wanted to respond with was, “Well, passing all that judgment can wear you out!” I kept my mouth shut but drafted an email to the girl who sits next to me and is a bit Daria with me amongst our office of Ken and Barbies.
I drafted the email telling her my response with a few lines explaining my restraint. Then I remembered and glanced at the only hot pink sticky amidst the multiple yellow ones hanging around my monitors. ALWAYS ONLY ADD. If I sent this all I was doing was stirring up an us-against-them mentality which makes me exactly part of what I don’t love about this little clique. I wasn’t looking at the good, I wasn’t building relationship, I wasn’t building respect, I wasn’t Adding anything.
I don’t have to like everyone but I do have to respect everyone. People are people and I am no greater. I have to keep the right perspective of people. If I am going to love them I need to love them even when I’d rather give into the nasty in me. Sometimes giving into that meanness feels really good or is really funny, but that’s not loving people and what if I am here on purpose? I think it’s important to remember, God wants and can use us at any moment. I think I sometimes get to comfortable and familiar with God and think he can’t use any moment, any thought, or any word to change a life. Sometimes I need to remember to get out of the way. If I’m not adding I’m in the way.
I deleted the email.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Theorem C12:9
I've been really aware of God's goodness lately. Saturday was a blow my mind kind of day. All day long I was blown away by God's grace stacking on top of grace leaving me speechless, and in tears once or twice.
Grateful is a really overwhelming feeling. It’s like a hollow fullness, its expanse contradicts itself and the only word to describe it is wonderful. I roll around in its wonder. Shocked and amazed this is the life I live. I'm being trusted with more and because of the trust I see cooler stuff.
It's so vague to describe but here is where I'm steering to, it is amazing what it feels like to start to "get" some stuff. I'm starting to "get" things like grace and faith, like trust and hope and peace and joy. In starting to get them I'm starting to see how powerful it is. It is like armor. A random thought tries to infect a situation and something bigger than me takes over and starts to match it up to some stuff. If they don't match it selects the appropriate principle and viola! I understand peace.
I encourage you to keep seeking. If you are anything like me and find yourself striving for this "place" to "get" to then be encouraged to know keep seeking what you are seeking, striving will fall off and it will be replaced by the genuine article. His grace really is sufficient, who knew? I wish I could give you a theorem to plug into the circumstance of your life and poof you'd have an answer. I always liked that route, but there is no moment. All of a sudden you look up and you're standing in the midst of it and you "get" it. Its focused attention, hard work, short accounts, bent knees, and determination, but keep going. The world needs you to, you're more powerful that way and there is a lot to do. You are more powerful to fulfill your dreams when you start to accept and believe the truths over your life. I know it's tough but I promise it's better than you think it's going to be.
It's real I promise.
Grateful is a really overwhelming feeling. It’s like a hollow fullness, its expanse contradicts itself and the only word to describe it is wonderful. I roll around in its wonder. Shocked and amazed this is the life I live. I'm being trusted with more and because of the trust I see cooler stuff.
It's so vague to describe but here is where I'm steering to, it is amazing what it feels like to start to "get" some stuff. I'm starting to "get" things like grace and faith, like trust and hope and peace and joy. In starting to get them I'm starting to see how powerful it is. It is like armor. A random thought tries to infect a situation and something bigger than me takes over and starts to match it up to some stuff. If they don't match it selects the appropriate principle and viola! I understand peace.
I encourage you to keep seeking. If you are anything like me and find yourself striving for this "place" to "get" to then be encouraged to know keep seeking what you are seeking, striving will fall off and it will be replaced by the genuine article. His grace really is sufficient, who knew? I wish I could give you a theorem to plug into the circumstance of your life and poof you'd have an answer. I always liked that route, but there is no moment. All of a sudden you look up and you're standing in the midst of it and you "get" it. Its focused attention, hard work, short accounts, bent knees, and determination, but keep going. The world needs you to, you're more powerful that way and there is a lot to do. You are more powerful to fulfill your dreams when you start to accept and believe the truths over your life. I know it's tough but I promise it's better than you think it's going to be.
It's real I promise.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Trippin'
I went on my first cruise last summer. The first night they sat my friend Beth and I at a table with the strangest matched couple I've met in awhile. The man looked like an older version of Finch from American Pie, and all they kept telling us was what not to do. Needless to say the next night we requested a larger table with people more our age!
At the new table we sat with two couple from New York who were in our age group and some of the most fun people I've ever met. One thing I love about my life is the ease at which I make friends. I rarely travel anywhere and return home with out a new friend. In England I came home with 15 new friends. It was awesome, I LOVE people, but I digress.
I've stayed in touch with the couples since returning from my cruise and next weekend I am off to the Big Apple to pal around NYC with some natives - I couldn't be more excited. I am seeing my first Broadway show, visiting Central Park, and going to the top of the Empire State Building; all things new to me though this is my fourth trip to the city.
I intend to blog via my ginnyisms page on Facebook. It will be short blurbs and photos but I hope you will come with me for the weekend and we'll see what we can get ourselves into!
I'm excited about the blog. I feel like I have a fleet of people doing life with me, reading as I work out the hard stuff, but this is going to be fun and I want to take you on the grand adventures as well. I encourage you to stop thinking, worrying, stressing, and HAVE some fun!
At the new table we sat with two couple from New York who were in our age group and some of the most fun people I've ever met. One thing I love about my life is the ease at which I make friends. I rarely travel anywhere and return home with out a new friend. In England I came home with 15 new friends. It was awesome, I LOVE people, but I digress.
I've stayed in touch with the couples since returning from my cruise and next weekend I am off to the Big Apple to pal around NYC with some natives - I couldn't be more excited. I am seeing my first Broadway show, visiting Central Park, and going to the top of the Empire State Building; all things new to me though this is my fourth trip to the city.
I intend to blog via my ginnyisms page on Facebook. It will be short blurbs and photos but I hope you will come with me for the weekend and we'll see what we can get ourselves into!
I'm excited about the blog. I feel like I have a fleet of people doing life with me, reading as I work out the hard stuff, but this is going to be fun and I want to take you on the grand adventures as well. I encourage you to stop thinking, worrying, stressing, and HAVE some fun!
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Absorption Extended
When I extend grace, I tangibly feel the extension of grace over my own life. I used to pray in vain for God to see my heart and then show it to me. I just recently got to a place where I trust my own heart. I don't hear the lies too much anymore trying to sway me from my performance-based relationship with God. Now I know my heart is all in. I am fully convinced and though it took me what seems like forever to get here – here I am. Fully aware this season of expansion holds within it the next seed of contraction. It doesn't matter though. No matter what comes in life I'm fully convinced. I dreamed of getting to this place and trust me I'm not arrived by any means but I am confident in my relationship with Christ and satisfied with knowing I'm always going to be growing.
Some how by seeing my own heart it has helped me see the heart of others. I had a situation this week where I was motivated by what I saw in the heart of another rather than what was coming out of the mouth, but I was angry. I learned through it a couple of things. I thought about all the dumb stuff I do. I do a LOT. I thought about each time I laughed at something I shouldn't, had a petty girl moment, or just failed to give my best at any given moment. Sure, there are things in my life God would have reason to get angry with me, I'm his kid, it's what kids do. Somehow the cross absorbs the anger. If the cross can absorb the anger of GOD how much more can it absorb my own? By looking at the heart of this situation I somehow filtered it through the cross which changed my perspective.
I can march around singing LOVE PEOPLE passing out free hugs all I want, but if I'm not putting it into practice when it's hard to love them what good am I? I say dumb stuff all the time. I hurt feelings, embarrass, and wound. I'm human and I have a strong tongue. I eat a lot of humble pie and thankfully as I grow, I don't have to eat as much. I do know what it's like though, and I remember the grace extended to me. How in the world could I ever be too "grown" to not have to extend grace? It's humbling for me to think about honestly. I don't deserve it and yet, I swim in it. I'm no better than anyone else and who am I to deny someone to swim with me? I learned a lot about the grace over my own life by making a choice to extend it someone else. It changed my heart. It's a powerful revelation – grace…and I bet it's deeper still.
Some how by seeing my own heart it has helped me see the heart of others. I had a situation this week where I was motivated by what I saw in the heart of another rather than what was coming out of the mouth, but I was angry. I learned through it a couple of things. I thought about all the dumb stuff I do. I do a LOT. I thought about each time I laughed at something I shouldn't, had a petty girl moment, or just failed to give my best at any given moment. Sure, there are things in my life God would have reason to get angry with me, I'm his kid, it's what kids do. Somehow the cross absorbs the anger. If the cross can absorb the anger of GOD how much more can it absorb my own? By looking at the heart of this situation I somehow filtered it through the cross which changed my perspective.
I can march around singing LOVE PEOPLE passing out free hugs all I want, but if I'm not putting it into practice when it's hard to love them what good am I? I say dumb stuff all the time. I hurt feelings, embarrass, and wound. I'm human and I have a strong tongue. I eat a lot of humble pie and thankfully as I grow, I don't have to eat as much. I do know what it's like though, and I remember the grace extended to me. How in the world could I ever be too "grown" to not have to extend grace? It's humbling for me to think about honestly. I don't deserve it and yet, I swim in it. I'm no better than anyone else and who am I to deny someone to swim with me? I learned a lot about the grace over my own life by making a choice to extend it someone else. It changed my heart. It's a powerful revelation – grace…and I bet it's deeper still.
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