Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Monday, March 29, 2010
Permission to Run
The other day I was asked how I figure out the topics I write about every time I sit down to write. I told her I honestly just walk around all day thinking, "what am I going to write about today?" I will ask that question over and over again; sometimes it hits like a hurricane and sometimes...nothing!
Today is no different. Showing up to write and sitting here thinking for the last ten minutes...hmmm what am I going to write? This morning I had an email on Facebook thanking me for writing my blog and being open to pursue my dream because it gives courage to other's to do the same. That was encouraging, and a dream coming true. I spent most of 2009 writing "finished" essay style writings (see them they are up here). As 2010 rounded the bend and I set a vision for the blog I started to just write out the everyday - put it on display and see what happens.
The feedback is growing and I am reminded that as I put my life on display it does unlock freedom for other's to live their life. Last night Sharon Kelly, while preaching, told a story about a larger-than-life friend in her world when she first became a Christian she tried to emulate to her exhaustion. Once Sharon had been given permission from her friend to live in the freedom to be herself in her own skin she started to see her life unfold and her walk easily flow. I understand that, as I have released insecurity and stripped off the cloaks I used to guard myself, I have had more people encouraged and engaged in the writing.
Today who are you? Are you comfortable in you? I wasn't for a long time. I guess there are still bits of me that aren't either, but those are the parts I throw out there for all to see. I, by no means am encouraging everyone to throw their laundry out there as I have, but I am encouraging you to look at the authentic parts of your life? Are you living it boldly despite your personality type? You were made you on purpose and the more you live you the more you give others the permission to live them. And sometimes we just need someone to give us permission.
So I am giving you permission! Live you...you could quite possibly change a life today!
Today is no different. Showing up to write and sitting here thinking for the last ten minutes...hmmm what am I going to write? This morning I had an email on Facebook thanking me for writing my blog and being open to pursue my dream because it gives courage to other's to do the same. That was encouraging, and a dream coming true. I spent most of 2009 writing "finished" essay style writings (see them they are up here). As 2010 rounded the bend and I set a vision for the blog I started to just write out the everyday - put it on display and see what happens.
The feedback is growing and I am reminded that as I put my life on display it does unlock freedom for other's to live their life. Last night Sharon Kelly, while preaching, told a story about a larger-than-life friend in her world when she first became a Christian she tried to emulate to her exhaustion. Once Sharon had been given permission from her friend to live in the freedom to be herself in her own skin she started to see her life unfold and her walk easily flow. I understand that, as I have released insecurity and stripped off the cloaks I used to guard myself, I have had more people encouraged and engaged in the writing.
Today who are you? Are you comfortable in you? I wasn't for a long time. I guess there are still bits of me that aren't either, but those are the parts I throw out there for all to see. I, by no means am encouraging everyone to throw their laundry out there as I have, but I am encouraging you to look at the authentic parts of your life? Are you living it boldly despite your personality type? You were made you on purpose and the more you live you the more you give others the permission to live them. And sometimes we just need someone to give us permission.
So I am giving you permission! Live you...you could quite possibly change a life today!
Friday, March 26, 2010
Whispers
There are times when I find myself striving for the sweet presence of God, I want his tangible presence so I don't feel so alone. I have found myself at times striving when reading the Bible looking for the one verse that will unlock the anxiety of loneliness, massage the fatigue in my spirit, and set me free into perfect peace – peace the bible talks about.
I am learning it's not that easy. No, I don't have to strive for his grace as it is readily accessible to me, however, there are times I just have to ride out the wave of emotional humanness and be content in the ache of growth, remembering that his grace is sufficient, and hold fast to his promises over my life.
I firmly believe without one iota of doubt that Jesus is the only one for anyone. I believe the belief in him is for all people and one day every person will see him. I also believe that the choice to follow Jesus, though an easy one, is not easily lived out. I am human and want my life to be perfect, never to be sad, and never to shed tear; but sometimes I feel lost, alone, afraid, and forgotten.
Today's desire is to encourage you to know you are not alone. It's not great writing, but its truth. Maybe that is what I want to do with my life – be a great writer of truth, not necessarily a great writer alone. I want to remind you today that life is messy and things come at you; sometimes you have to walk through some trenches and get a little dirty. But know that God will give you the desires of your heart, he created it and he's whispers to you:
I understand your heart better than you do so please trust me to know that I am going to come through. You are my child, my greatest passion. You will press on because this is how I have made you to be. Set it all down and just let me be me. Remember I never leave or forsake, I never return void, I have declared bold promises, I do have a future for you take great hope in that. I can not lie because I am not like you, and I am gracious in my understanding of your heart. Keep loving, don't get tired in that. Keep looking through my perspective, and know I am so proud of you.
I am learning it's not that easy. No, I don't have to strive for his grace as it is readily accessible to me, however, there are times I just have to ride out the wave of emotional humanness and be content in the ache of growth, remembering that his grace is sufficient, and hold fast to his promises over my life.
I firmly believe without one iota of doubt that Jesus is the only one for anyone. I believe the belief in him is for all people and one day every person will see him. I also believe that the choice to follow Jesus, though an easy one, is not easily lived out. I am human and want my life to be perfect, never to be sad, and never to shed tear; but sometimes I feel lost, alone, afraid, and forgotten.
Today's desire is to encourage you to know you are not alone. It's not great writing, but its truth. Maybe that is what I want to do with my life – be a great writer of truth, not necessarily a great writer alone. I want to remind you today that life is messy and things come at you; sometimes you have to walk through some trenches and get a little dirty. But know that God will give you the desires of your heart, he created it and he's whispers to you:
I understand your heart better than you do so please trust me to know that I am going to come through. You are my child, my greatest passion. You will press on because this is how I have made you to be. Set it all down and just let me be me. Remember I never leave or forsake, I never return void, I have declared bold promises, I do have a future for you take great hope in that. I can not lie because I am not like you, and I am gracious in my understanding of your heart. Keep loving, don't get tired in that. Keep looking through my perspective, and know I am so proud of you.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Fat Kid
I'm sitting in a doctor's office with both my parents. My dad is sitting to my right in the chair and my mother is standing next to me sitting on the examination table. I remember the doctor explaining to my parents if my weight continued to increase at the rate it was going I was looking at a lifetime of obesity. I weighed 83 pounds and I was 8 years old.
Well that man was right, partly. I am obese, but it is not my lifetime. It's no secret that I have been diligently strapping on the restraints of a vision for my health for the last year. I had to get really real, and really raw. If I was going to tackle this in my life I had to really look at the truths causing this behavior.
I am an emotional eater. I either can eat or not eat depending on the type of emotion I am feeling, being really upset can evoke either outcome for me. I never know which it will be, either one is detrimental to my weight.
Recently, I felt that I had hit a level that was requiring me to get deeper into the lifestyle change and today it's making me cry at my desk. I have started texting everything I eat to my accountability and with every text I send I get a response with tweaks to the eating habits, but today it's overwhelming me. Today, I want to quit because it's hard and frustrating, but this is what I am learning in the midst of my whiney bawl-fest!
I have a vision and that vision requires things. Those requirements are hard and cost me a LOT. They cost me dinners out, embarrassing conversations about my weight and my health; it costs chocolate, sweet coffee, soda, sweat, sore muscles, a LOT of time, and mental reconstruction!
The lifestyle that I had as an 8 year old, which carried me into adulthood, didn't stay because I wanted to be the funny fat kid with a pretty face and a great personality, but because I didn't know any better. I was living in the culture I had always known. Even when I would make attempts at all the fads and diets that would come out, I had no vision for what a healthy life-long lifestyle looked like. Now as the shift comes there are days when I honestly want to quit or say "I'm going to do this my way." However, my way doesn't work. I am still the funny fat kid right now. I am getting better and though this may not have been my fault getting to this place of obesity it is my fault if I stay here.
There are consequences to events and lifestyles that shape us into the people we are and sometimes they are not our fault, but we still have to deal with it. My parents did not set out to have a fat kid. They didn't conspire to make my life harder by keeping unhealthy food in the house, or not addressing what was missing within me that was causing me to have an eating problem. I honestly believe they didn't know any better themselves and they did the best they could to let me know no matter what size I am they love me and I am theirs.
I am an adult now and it's my responsibility to take control of my health. They can't do it for me now anyway. I have a vision for my life and my health is a very big part of that. At some point in my life I told God that I would do whatever it took to have life of purpose. He gave me the purpose and this is part of that cost. I have to work it out cause at the end of the day I want all of that vision more than I want to eat a box of chocolate – and I want to eat chocolate everyday if I could! Instead, I want the clear head that likes who she sees in the mirror and isn't bound by the guilt and lies that swim within my self-deprecating brain screaming defeat. It keeps my mind healthier.
I want to be a woman who is comfortable in my own skin, has a life that is attractive, and has a healthy lifestyle: mind, body, and spirit. So I can have my baby cry-fests but at the end of the day I’m going to put more cardio in, I’m going to keep increasing in my weight training, and I will only have one day a week where I can have ONE moment where I can have a chocolate.
The end is always better than the beginning. I’m setting my gaze on the future and every day I will see what I really look like emerge.
If this encouraged you, please repost there’s a button at the top right side! Thanks
Well that man was right, partly. I am obese, but it is not my lifetime. It's no secret that I have been diligently strapping on the restraints of a vision for my health for the last year. I had to get really real, and really raw. If I was going to tackle this in my life I had to really look at the truths causing this behavior.
I am an emotional eater. I either can eat or not eat depending on the type of emotion I am feeling, being really upset can evoke either outcome for me. I never know which it will be, either one is detrimental to my weight.
Recently, I felt that I had hit a level that was requiring me to get deeper into the lifestyle change and today it's making me cry at my desk. I have started texting everything I eat to my accountability and with every text I send I get a response with tweaks to the eating habits, but today it's overwhelming me. Today, I want to quit because it's hard and frustrating, but this is what I am learning in the midst of my whiney bawl-fest!
I have a vision and that vision requires things. Those requirements are hard and cost me a LOT. They cost me dinners out, embarrassing conversations about my weight and my health; it costs chocolate, sweet coffee, soda, sweat, sore muscles, a LOT of time, and mental reconstruction!
The lifestyle that I had as an 8 year old, which carried me into adulthood, didn't stay because I wanted to be the funny fat kid with a pretty face and a great personality, but because I didn't know any better. I was living in the culture I had always known. Even when I would make attempts at all the fads and diets that would come out, I had no vision for what a healthy life-long lifestyle looked like. Now as the shift comes there are days when I honestly want to quit or say "I'm going to do this my way." However, my way doesn't work. I am still the funny fat kid right now. I am getting better and though this may not have been my fault getting to this place of obesity it is my fault if I stay here.
There are consequences to events and lifestyles that shape us into the people we are and sometimes they are not our fault, but we still have to deal with it. My parents did not set out to have a fat kid. They didn't conspire to make my life harder by keeping unhealthy food in the house, or not addressing what was missing within me that was causing me to have an eating problem. I honestly believe they didn't know any better themselves and they did the best they could to let me know no matter what size I am they love me and I am theirs.
I am an adult now and it's my responsibility to take control of my health. They can't do it for me now anyway. I have a vision for my life and my health is a very big part of that. At some point in my life I told God that I would do whatever it took to have life of purpose. He gave me the purpose and this is part of that cost. I have to work it out cause at the end of the day I want all of that vision more than I want to eat a box of chocolate – and I want to eat chocolate everyday if I could! Instead, I want the clear head that likes who she sees in the mirror and isn't bound by the guilt and lies that swim within my self-deprecating brain screaming defeat. It keeps my mind healthier.
I want to be a woman who is comfortable in my own skin, has a life that is attractive, and has a healthy lifestyle: mind, body, and spirit. So I can have my baby cry-fests but at the end of the day I’m going to put more cardio in, I’m going to keep increasing in my weight training, and I will only have one day a week where I can have ONE moment where I can have a chocolate.
The end is always better than the beginning. I’m setting my gaze on the future and every day I will see what I really look like emerge.
If this encouraged you, please repost there’s a button at the top right side! Thanks
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Writing 101
Writing is my greatest passion and my greatest enemy. I have heard many writers’ say they don't necessarily like to write but they LOVE to have written. I can attest to that. I love when the words fall in the right order, reading the words over and over again letting them roll over my tongue. Hearing how each part sounds and seeing what lines the words draw around the images they are creating - I love it.
The showing up to a blinking cursor and a blank screen however, I do not love, but it's important to show up like a job and be faithful with it. For with every day that I show up to nothing means there is a day inspiration hits and words drop like marbles on a Chinese Checker board bouncing into their correct positions. This week has not been that week. I have shown up to write three times. I did get some stuff on paper and wrote about 600 words but that took me three days to get! Three days!
Maybe there is a lesson to be learned in the midst of my writing misery? Maybe sometimes it's not about how well things fall into place, or how on your game you are? Maybe it's not about how brilliant you are at any given moment, but more about how you hold yourself each day when you do show up? I have learned that if I want this dream to come to fruition I have to work for it. Yes, it is a talent that sometimes comes fairly easy, but it's also like any other art or sport - you must practice. I only get better with each time I show up. I find new words, new thoughts, and new perspectives. I think my life changes a little bit every time I write.
Maybe that's why I love it so much. It's changing my life, but as much as it's changing my life by putting it on display it encourages other's to be brave and live a good story. It's my contribution and through it, perspectives shift, and God is glorified.
Ah this was a nice blog. Thanks for coming along. See ya soon.
The showing up to a blinking cursor and a blank screen however, I do not love, but it's important to show up like a job and be faithful with it. For with every day that I show up to nothing means there is a day inspiration hits and words drop like marbles on a Chinese Checker board bouncing into their correct positions. This week has not been that week. I have shown up to write three times. I did get some stuff on paper and wrote about 600 words but that took me three days to get! Three days!
Maybe there is a lesson to be learned in the midst of my writing misery? Maybe sometimes it's not about how well things fall into place, or how on your game you are? Maybe it's not about how brilliant you are at any given moment, but more about how you hold yourself each day when you do show up? I have learned that if I want this dream to come to fruition I have to work for it. Yes, it is a talent that sometimes comes fairly easy, but it's also like any other art or sport - you must practice. I only get better with each time I show up. I find new words, new thoughts, and new perspectives. I think my life changes a little bit every time I write.
Maybe that's why I love it so much. It's changing my life, but as much as it's changing my life by putting it on display it encourages other's to be brave and live a good story. It's my contribution and through it, perspectives shift, and God is glorified.
Ah this was a nice blog. Thanks for coming along. See ya soon.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)