Vending Machine of Promise, Yes Please!

I’ve been listening to “Cruisin’,” by Huey Lewis and the News with Gwyneth Paltrow on repeat since Tuesday. It sounds how my week feels. It’s been a neat week. I’ve been praying for wisdom for a few questions in my life the last couple of weeks, and I got it. In March I heard Sy Rogers preach on the character of God. He said if he compared his past experiences with God he recognized the pattern, God’s Character is innately good. He’s always proven himself to be good, so why would he not continue to demonstrate his character as such? This revelation propelled me through my hardest days waiting for breakthrough to come. The day I received the full revelation was the day I was offered my job. Once I got this revelation it changed how I saw all else. He is always good.

Despite this revelation it still amazes me when I see the word become life and activate a part of me. The Bible says whomever lacks wisdom should ask for it and it will be freely given. This time instead of trying to figure it all out on my own, talk to 19 different people about what they thought, and feel frustrated, I recognized I didn’t know the answers and I needed help. So, I asked for wisdom specifically and he gave it me. Through this wisdom I was able to come to the answers myself. I applied his wisdom and it told me exactly where I stood. I think I feel so humbled because I trusted and he gave it to me. He is working in me and I am growing and maturing as a person. I like who I am and it’s a nice place to be.

Don’t get me wrong I have my stuff, I always will, but it never stops amazing me when God moves in my life. It amazes me how grandly he can move in the simplest of things, in the little details of the everyday. I find humor and humility in how much it moves me; someone who once deeply struggled to see the power in the everyday.

I’m really grateful this week. I’m always thankful, but I get busy and unfocused and I think I forget to be grateful. I’m grateful for my job and how it’s moving me closer to my dreams. I’m grateful God wanted me and likes using me. I’m grateful I live a dynamic life that leads to adventure and possibility. I’m grateful for the people in my world who color my days shades I would never think to use. It’s just a nice week and I’m grateful for it. It feels how the song sounds, I’m cruising, grateful and thankful we’re cruisin’ together.

99 Problems and a Gym Ain't 1

I’m going to be really honest here. So much so I’m really hoping certain people won’t read it, but I don’t know how to tell you the beautiful part of this story with out telling you the dirty part too. I haven’t been to the gym since August 1 and I was starting to pick up some of my bad eating habits. Now, I have stayed active and done some work outs but I have not been diligent with it. There were some circumstances but somewhere about mid-September I started telling myself I had to make a priority in my finances and my time to get back to the gym. Let’s be honest, If I didn’t it was always going to be something. Last week I decided enough-was-a-enough and I wasn’t happy. I hadn’t gained any weight, even when shopping in New York, I was buying smaller sizes. I just didn’t feel good. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to continue to buy the smaller sizes if I didn’t get back to my work out regimen and back to my lifestyle change.

Insert a bunch of emotional and sarcastic internal garbage and we come to…If I’m not happy with what I see in the mirror then I need to change it. I have the power with in me to make the choices that will change the way I feel about what I see when I look in the mirror lately. I was really happy a month ago, so if I’m not happy now, I am responsible for fixing that. I think we have a lot more control over our “happiness” than we realize. I just talked to a friend about fighting condemnation today and I have been in a sparring match with myself the last two weeks doing the same thing. So today I went to the gym and I joined it. I then came home and did a yoga session on my cable on demand because I needed some really good stretching today for my back. I did something. I find it funny how condemnation can keep you in the same spot. It paralyzes you, pinning you down by sitting on your chest showing you just what you don’t want to see. If I get up though, it has no where to sit.

When I start to understand how to really renew my mind, change my actions, and see different results; I really understand a multitude more about my life. I understand change is real and I can do it. I surprise myself when I start to see the changes I am seeing and mostly because I decided to stop believing I never would change. There is power in the little things. Signing up for the gym and doing some stretches may not be a three hour work out where I burn nine billion calories, but it is where I pick back up and continue on my journey. There is sweet relief when you find your way back on the path you were meaning to go, when you thought for sure you were lost for good.

It wasn’t a lot but it was something. Tomorrow I will get off work come home and change, and at seven I will be in my first class at my new gym. This lifestyle change is real. I am really changing. I can honestly say I’ve never come this far before, I don’t really mean physically but in the mental commitment of it. I have never picked myself up, dusted myself off and got back on track in this area so quickly before. I’m so happy to know my character has changed and as it is changing the rest of me is changing too. What was sick is being healed, what was scared is growing confidant, and what is coming is attainable and I’m so thankful for grace.

PS If you are new to the blog I suggest earlier posts, Investment and Fat Kid.