I have a friend from my cell group who once worked at my job in a different department. About my third, maybe fourth week, there she emailed asking me to go upstairs to the department she used to work within and meet a girl she still remained friendly with. The girl was working through some life stings and needed some encouragement. To be honest with you I did not want to do it. I almost decided to let her go for the day before I walked up there and then I quit fighting took a deep breath and started swimming through the desks in her department looking for her name plate to introduce myself.
She was very open and vaguely honest with me in her circumstances. It was a very direct conversation and I remember telling her about the power of Jesus and giving her a card for my blog advising her it would encourage her. Since then she's come to church and made choices to change her life. I think she just got to the point where she needed a new goal to try and get different results.
Every Saturday for the last few months I go to breakfast somewhere with someone. The group is always different, but it's always a nice time. This morning Angie and the girl from work were the only two who were able make it. We immediately started gabbing as girls do and my friend started to talk of her latest set back in her attempt to gain healing over a large gaping whole in her heart left there by a guy. I'm not hatin' on the guy, life is what it is but the focus is how we deal with gaping holes in raw hearts.
I don't listen to stories over and over again very well. I will listen once, perhaps twice, but by the third time we talk on a topic it better demonstrate some level of growth or I'm out.
I was able to talk to my friend from work about how it was time to change the way she was thinking about this topic. Enough was enough and it was time to move on.
I was able to challenge her from experience as there was a relationship in my life that occupied six years of my life. The truth is the first two to three years were amazing and our friendship was a blessing, then things shifted and it took a year or two of hurt and still trying to fight for what was good until I got to the point where I needed to move on and stop trying to save something that died a long time ago. Sometimes it's good to let the dead things in our lives stay dead. The only way I have learned when is time to let go and when the time to fight is by asking God for wisdom. Now, I ask myself a few questions: Is this adding to my life? Do I walk away bigger and better every time I leave you? If I don't then it's time to leave it for the Lord to sort and move forward in the relationships who are adding, growing, challenging, and changing who you are.
It's important to take stock of things in your life which are good; the bad will try and lie to you painting a grey tint on everything you see. Wipe your eyes, take stock, and realize there is power in the simplest of relationships, stick with the good ones and the company you keep will propel your life forward.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Thursday, January 6, 2011
After Midnight
I'm a horrible sleeper. It's a pity really, because I used to be good at it and I really enjoy it. I'm not sure when, but somewhere along the road I adopted my father’s ease to startle at feint sounds and my mother and grandmother’s insomnia.
I woke up at 3 last night. Some might cringe, but for someone who never sleeps through the night, 3 am allows me the opportunity to go back to sleep before work. I will usually lie in bed for about an hour until I finally fall back to sleep. I've started to use this time productively by talking to God in these midnight hours and honestly, I tend to surrender a lot more at these hours.
I was exercising the same practice last night as I waited to go back to sleep. In the last month I've really been stirred to consider a romantic relationship. God revealed through some friends this was an area in my life we need to work on if for no other reason, just so I don't have this dead broken part of me. Honestly, I did have this dead area and I didn't even know it was there.
I was fine with being single. Did I want something? Sure, doesn't everyone, but I somehow thought wanting that made me want God less. I thought this way for a long time, but it was twisted thinking and my mind is being renewed.
I have never really prayed about a husband, therefore I really never heard anything about him. Last night I was talking to God about this mind renewal and in there I asked "What will my husband be like?" and he answered "Like me."
I've been rolling that around all day. I was so moved by the word. “He will be like me”...everything is in that statement. Hope, truth, promise, and everything I really need to know while waiting.
I don't expect anyone to really understand how deep that word is for me. My friend Sarah gave this line of sight analogy where her moral of the story was her husband reflected Jesus and took her closer to Jesus than she could there on her own. From that moment on, I’ve prayed for only that. To hear the answer I heard last night – that's all I need to know.
I was texting with my great friend Will tonight about our “Overarching Goals for 2011.” He sent me his and I, of course in response thought, “Hmmmm, well what’s my overarching goal?” I heard the still small voice echo the word I’d been rolling around every time I thought of the blog this week, “Work.” This year I'm going to work harder than I ever have before. I’m taking classes at Wave Leadership College; I start ‘Winning with People’ by John Maxwell on Tuesday. I’m doing some post-production video work at my church and I am learning a ton! I work hard at my job, and as I get more time and experience under my belt the greater my work load becomes. I am still concentrating and focused on my health; and somehow it dawned on me if I am really going to write books to inspire a generation I actually have to write. Believe it or not, writing can be hard work. It's going to be good though. There will be a different look to next year, because this year is marked with easy hard yards if that makes any sense; a hand to plow year with tangible results.
The revelations I’ve had in the last month have only left me with more room to expand. I’m working and growing this year. Maybe my overarching goal is, Health? Health takes conscious effort; health grows you and requires your work. For the first time I can see the parts of body, mind, and spirit getting healthy all at the same time, as if they were atoms on different orbits around me and this year they are aligning. It’s encouraging to know all parts of you can prosper. You can change, life does get better and better, and if we all choose to make over arching goals to achieve things which enrich the world around us: we really can be the agents of change that spark a generation to rise up, make their mark, and be known as the one’s who changed everything!
I woke up at 3 last night. Some might cringe, but for someone who never sleeps through the night, 3 am allows me the opportunity to go back to sleep before work. I will usually lie in bed for about an hour until I finally fall back to sleep. I've started to use this time productively by talking to God in these midnight hours and honestly, I tend to surrender a lot more at these hours.
I was exercising the same practice last night as I waited to go back to sleep. In the last month I've really been stirred to consider a romantic relationship. God revealed through some friends this was an area in my life we need to work on if for no other reason, just so I don't have this dead broken part of me. Honestly, I did have this dead area and I didn't even know it was there.
I was fine with being single. Did I want something? Sure, doesn't everyone, but I somehow thought wanting that made me want God less. I thought this way for a long time, but it was twisted thinking and my mind is being renewed.
I have never really prayed about a husband, therefore I really never heard anything about him. Last night I was talking to God about this mind renewal and in there I asked "What will my husband be like?" and he answered "Like me."
I've been rolling that around all day. I was so moved by the word. “He will be like me”...everything is in that statement. Hope, truth, promise, and everything I really need to know while waiting.
I don't expect anyone to really understand how deep that word is for me. My friend Sarah gave this line of sight analogy where her moral of the story was her husband reflected Jesus and took her closer to Jesus than she could there on her own. From that moment on, I’ve prayed for only that. To hear the answer I heard last night – that's all I need to know.
I was texting with my great friend Will tonight about our “Overarching Goals for 2011.” He sent me his and I, of course in response thought, “Hmmmm, well what’s my overarching goal?” I heard the still small voice echo the word I’d been rolling around every time I thought of the blog this week, “Work.” This year I'm going to work harder than I ever have before. I’m taking classes at Wave Leadership College; I start ‘Winning with People’ by John Maxwell on Tuesday. I’m doing some post-production video work at my church and I am learning a ton! I work hard at my job, and as I get more time and experience under my belt the greater my work load becomes. I am still concentrating and focused on my health; and somehow it dawned on me if I am really going to write books to inspire a generation I actually have to write. Believe it or not, writing can be hard work. It's going to be good though. There will be a different look to next year, because this year is marked with easy hard yards if that makes any sense; a hand to plow year with tangible results.
The revelations I’ve had in the last month have only left me with more room to expand. I’m working and growing this year. Maybe my overarching goal is, Health? Health takes conscious effort; health grows you and requires your work. For the first time I can see the parts of body, mind, and spirit getting healthy all at the same time, as if they were atoms on different orbits around me and this year they are aligning. It’s encouraging to know all parts of you can prosper. You can change, life does get better and better, and if we all choose to make over arching goals to achieve things which enrich the world around us: we really can be the agents of change that spark a generation to rise up, make their mark, and be known as the one’s who changed everything!
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
What About Your Friends?
Pattee and I were talking about some stuff with my writing today. She and I talk about my writing a lot; I probably talk to her about it more than anyone else. We talk about where it's going, what the desired outcome is, and she is really good at helping me sort out titles. She is very much a vital inside part to this whole thing. Today she was giving me a bit of a pep talk and she nailed it right on the head.
Pattee reminded me this was my dream and to be confident in it. She also reminded me to guard it, protect it, and cast out vision when it is needed. It was a good word. It built confidence into me immediately.
It's important who does the ins and outs of your life with you. It's important to have friends who know some of your dreams a bit better than you do. My friend Moonie told me today it's not about where you do life it's about who you do it with.
I have the friends I do because I'm blessed, but also because we are always trusting each other to go deeper. Pattee and I fight for our communication. It's like any relationship but she's who I live with, she sees it all and she also knows when to remind me of who I am. It's good to let someone know you that well. Yeah it's a lot of work sometimes but at the end of the day I love knowing I have someone running along the side of my lane waving pom-poms and cheering me on as I go.
I have lots of friends who decorate the tapestry of my life and I'm thankful. Sow deeply into your friendships. Use wisdom, ask them how to love them the way they will receive it, listen, and watch your life enrich. I encourage you to shoot a text to someone and let them know you appreciate their friendship. It'll bless you both, I'm sure of it.
Pattee reminded me this was my dream and to be confident in it. She also reminded me to guard it, protect it, and cast out vision when it is needed. It was a good word. It built confidence into me immediately.
It's important who does the ins and outs of your life with you. It's important to have friends who know some of your dreams a bit better than you do. My friend Moonie told me today it's not about where you do life it's about who you do it with.
I have the friends I do because I'm blessed, but also because we are always trusting each other to go deeper. Pattee and I fight for our communication. It's like any relationship but she's who I live with, she sees it all and she also knows when to remind me of who I am. It's good to let someone know you that well. Yeah it's a lot of work sometimes but at the end of the day I love knowing I have someone running along the side of my lane waving pom-poms and cheering me on as I go.
I have lots of friends who decorate the tapestry of my life and I'm thankful. Sow deeply into your friendships. Use wisdom, ask them how to love them the way they will receive it, listen, and watch your life enrich. I encourage you to shoot a text to someone and let them know you appreciate their friendship. It'll bless you both, I'm sure of it.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Beautiful Disaster
Last year I started to pay attention to my thought life. I noticed after time I was daydreaming about 75% of my day. I think my dreaming is strength, but with every strength, there is weakness at its opposite and it is important to find balance to really use any strength at its fullest potential. My great friend and powerful mentor, Rachel taught me last year about casting down imaginations when it came to men. You know those moments where you are meeting a man for the first time and in about 15 seconds flat from hello you are trying to see if the picture of you and him at the end of the aisle is a good match? Trust me I’m laughing with you, it’s ridiculous, but it is what it is. So Rachel tells me about grabbing every one of those when they come along and sticking with what is real right in front of me. It was a good one; I was surprised with how many imaginations I needed to cast down.
Today I was driving and praying about my thought life in a specific area. I have been trying to think differently in this area and was specifically praying for wisdom to understand the right thinking. My next conscious thought I found myself knee deep in an imagination! I immediately started to change my thoughts again but I had to laugh, that fast, in mid-prayer my mind can go right to what I was asking God to give me wisdom in. WOW! Now, just a disclaimer, I am not saying imaginations in general are wrong, for me it was a constant state of just imagining instead of actually doing. I needed to find this discipline for my writing, for my relationships with men, and for my own mental health. The Bible says his thoughts are higher than our thoughts…if my head is so full of my own thoughts how will I ever know what his are? I had to put this into practice to make my imaginings become reality.
I used to get annoyed with myself and think what a mess I was. Don't get me wrong I'm still a mess, but now I see it more as a beautiful disaster. He adds his beauty to my disaster and the composition of what it was changes. I understand more now, it's how you renew your thoughts. You just retrain how you think about something. The second I start to notice I'm thinking an old thought I immediately change the thought. As I do that more and more the need to be aware of un-renewed thoughts start to fade and it just becomes how you think. As if you can't even remember the old thought.
As you can see I am still in the early work of this casting down imaginations thing. And to think Rachel and I talked about this imaginations thing last February, and I'm still doing it and having to renew my mind. Today must be a cardio brain day. I hate cardio but it gets the most results so bring on the cardio.
For the record it was a lovely imagining and it felt good but I know I want a different result so I'm changing it.
Today I was driving and praying about my thought life in a specific area. I have been trying to think differently in this area and was specifically praying for wisdom to understand the right thinking. My next conscious thought I found myself knee deep in an imagination! I immediately started to change my thoughts again but I had to laugh, that fast, in mid-prayer my mind can go right to what I was asking God to give me wisdom in. WOW! Now, just a disclaimer, I am not saying imaginations in general are wrong, for me it was a constant state of just imagining instead of actually doing. I needed to find this discipline for my writing, for my relationships with men, and for my own mental health. The Bible says his thoughts are higher than our thoughts…if my head is so full of my own thoughts how will I ever know what his are? I had to put this into practice to make my imaginings become reality.
I used to get annoyed with myself and think what a mess I was. Don't get me wrong I'm still a mess, but now I see it more as a beautiful disaster. He adds his beauty to my disaster and the composition of what it was changes. I understand more now, it's how you renew your thoughts. You just retrain how you think about something. The second I start to notice I'm thinking an old thought I immediately change the thought. As I do that more and more the need to be aware of un-renewed thoughts start to fade and it just becomes how you think. As if you can't even remember the old thought.
As you can see I am still in the early work of this casting down imaginations thing. And to think Rachel and I talked about this imaginations thing last February, and I'm still doing it and having to renew my mind. Today must be a cardio brain day. I hate cardio but it gets the most results so bring on the cardio.
For the record it was a lovely imagining and it felt good but I know I want a different result so I'm changing it.
Friday, December 31, 2010
That's a Wrap!
It's 1:34 am and I am getting ready for a meeting in the morning. I am meeting with a web developer/internet marketer tomorrow morning for ginnyisms, and I'm really excited about it. I just went through all my stats for the year. This post, my last for 2010 will be the 52nd post this year rounding my average to, a post a week. I can live with that. I showed up well this year and I'm pleased to write my final blog for the year.
I am so excited about this meeting tomorrow. I have had some serious revelation this month. God unveiled a ridiculous amount of stuff before Christmas and one of those things is this writing thing. I know where I'm going now. I knew before, but now I know that I know and I am excited about it.
I hope my passion sparks something in this guy and together we come up with some great stuff for the future of ginnyisms. I hope he works out and I start to build up a creative team around it and see where we can go...
I am so excited for this year.
I'd like to thank you for coming along this year. It was a big year with a lot of transition and I couldn't have done it without the people in my world. So I'd like to thank my friends the people I write about, the ones that stand in the kitchen with me batting around titles to posts, to my email buddies during the day who bounces ideas and encouragement, to the ones who promote in multiple states – Thank you. This year was shaped by the ones who let me text them on the hard days, cry my ugly cry, and tell them repeated stories about what someone said on the blog. Thanks. The ones who shared their lives with me and let me write about it openly, to friends who texted out ideas when I was stuck on a topic. You shaped my year and I couldn't be blessed with more amazing people in my life.
So anyway, enough. Here's to one hell of a year! No matter where you are today remember you are favored, you’re loved, you have something to contribute, and the world is better because you are here. Remember you aren't alone, life is real, and really remember there are greater things on the horizon so focus on that.
Happy New Year!
I am so excited about this meeting tomorrow. I have had some serious revelation this month. God unveiled a ridiculous amount of stuff before Christmas and one of those things is this writing thing. I know where I'm going now. I knew before, but now I know that I know and I am excited about it.
I hope my passion sparks something in this guy and together we come up with some great stuff for the future of ginnyisms. I hope he works out and I start to build up a creative team around it and see where we can go...
I am so excited for this year.
I'd like to thank you for coming along this year. It was a big year with a lot of transition and I couldn't have done it without the people in my world. So I'd like to thank my friends the people I write about, the ones that stand in the kitchen with me batting around titles to posts, to my email buddies during the day who bounces ideas and encouragement, to the ones who promote in multiple states – Thank you. This year was shaped by the ones who let me text them on the hard days, cry my ugly cry, and tell them repeated stories about what someone said on the blog. Thanks. The ones who shared their lives with me and let me write about it openly, to friends who texted out ideas when I was stuck on a topic. You shaped my year and I couldn't be blessed with more amazing people in my life.
So anyway, enough. Here's to one hell of a year! No matter where you are today remember you are favored, you’re loved, you have something to contribute, and the world is better because you are here. Remember you aren't alone, life is real, and really remember there are greater things on the horizon so focus on that.
Happy New Year!
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Through the Looking Glass
There's been a load of revelation this week; poured out displays of his goodness saying yes and amen. I imagine I will be very much changed by February. As I sought the thin places tonight I was overwhelmed with his goodness. How he pours out his grace when we ask for it and his word and his will are attainable if you just keep seeking.
As I sat and talked with God I started to pray for Joseph, the cashier at the Salvation Army Thrift Store I met tonight. I prayed he’d keep the paper I wrote the church’s information down on. I prayed he’d walk into church and find his home to heal his broken, lonely heart which he poured out to us when we asked if he was excited for Christmas. As I prayed for Joseph I started to pray for Lauren, someone who told me she appreciated me because she didn't feel so alone, I prayed for her to feel comfort. I prayed for the dream over my life and how I want to love people. Then God had to of intervened because next I prayed he would always have me be a mirror to people, that I would reflect the image of themselves with God alive within them. What a powerful image and revelation! That I would always have a familiar face because people recognize themselves in me.
It's powerful and completely God because I can't think of anything close to that amazing. I really am starting to see myself in the identity God set for me. Paul completely took on the identity of God's vessel for his message so at the end of the day, he could say, “Message sent.” When Chris taught that last week it humbled me to the core, it touched something deeply within me. Somehow within a week God has breathed on what started there and I am finally starting to really deeply grasp the God identity he renamed me 9 years ago. I am different now, he accepted my bid to be used and I am finally starting to grasp the gravity of that honor and to be a good steward. There’s so much packed into that revelation; so much love and hope, satisfaction and passion. His revelation is so much more satisfying then anything else and then to think if it’s this good how much better can it possibly get? And to be quite honest with you a big sigh of relief I’ve not given up, I can do it, and this race is absolutely for me.
He’s using me, because I asked.
I am humbled.
As I sat and talked with God I started to pray for Joseph, the cashier at the Salvation Army Thrift Store I met tonight. I prayed he’d keep the paper I wrote the church’s information down on. I prayed he’d walk into church and find his home to heal his broken, lonely heart which he poured out to us when we asked if he was excited for Christmas. As I prayed for Joseph I started to pray for Lauren, someone who told me she appreciated me because she didn't feel so alone, I prayed for her to feel comfort. I prayed for the dream over my life and how I want to love people. Then God had to of intervened because next I prayed he would always have me be a mirror to people, that I would reflect the image of themselves with God alive within them. What a powerful image and revelation! That I would always have a familiar face because people recognize themselves in me.
It's powerful and completely God because I can't think of anything close to that amazing. I really am starting to see myself in the identity God set for me. Paul completely took on the identity of God's vessel for his message so at the end of the day, he could say, “Message sent.” When Chris taught that last week it humbled me to the core, it touched something deeply within me. Somehow within a week God has breathed on what started there and I am finally starting to really deeply grasp the God identity he renamed me 9 years ago. I am different now, he accepted my bid to be used and I am finally starting to grasp the gravity of that honor and to be a good steward. There’s so much packed into that revelation; so much love and hope, satisfaction and passion. His revelation is so much more satisfying then anything else and then to think if it’s this good how much better can it possibly get? And to be quite honest with you a big sigh of relief I’ve not given up, I can do it, and this race is absolutely for me.
He’s using me, because I asked.
I am humbled.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Swamp Thang
I realized tonight when I am not really seeking God on things I have nothing to write. I have been in contact and praying, going to bible college, and doing life but really seeking the "thin places" as my friend Cassidy calls it; not so much. Lame I know.
I think at some point we burn out of doing things on our own. I have been so angry lately; angry at traffic, angry at my cars, angry at myself, just angry. Today I've had enough. I am frustrated and in a funk. I had to ask myself when was the last time I got on my face and really sought the thin places on my own, just me and God?
There's been nothing of substance to write because there's been nothing fresh in my spirit. God is good but what I get at church and talking to my friends isn't enough.
It's my doing, I've been hanging on and "handling" my stuff all by myself, as if I had any control or capablity in fixing overwhelming circumstances. I can't give myself favor...tonight I'm getting on my face. I can't stay this nasty negative swamp of a person even for the rest of today.
My friend Rachael talked a bit of it out with me tonight and she said I was just in a funk and it will pass, I understand and agree. The funks or ruts come and they go but I think the greatest thing is how long will we stay in them.
Matthew Barnett, senior pastor of the Dream Center in Los Angeles, preached at Soul Central tonight and he said the "devil will love to steal your fire for long periods." It may have been only a few weeks of mounting "funk" but enough is enough and it's time to pick myself up let it go and get on with the fire of life.
At the end of the day I know where I want to go and how badly I want to get there. I have a choice, to stay here in my funk- angry moving to bitterness or I have the choice to dust off, surrender, and trade my funk for God's fire. It's up to me.
Tonight if you are finding yourself in a funk be encouraged to know we all go through them, no worries you are normal. Also be encouraged to know God wants to help you out of your funk more than you want out of it so let him help you. Tonight I was really honest with God, I told him I was so angry all the time and I didn't know why. I can't say there's been any HUGE revelation or release yet since my honest surrender of a bad attitude but here's a post and I honestly have no idea where it came from. All I can say is His grace is suffcient.
Amen.
I think at some point we burn out of doing things on our own. I have been so angry lately; angry at traffic, angry at my cars, angry at myself, just angry. Today I've had enough. I am frustrated and in a funk. I had to ask myself when was the last time I got on my face and really sought the thin places on my own, just me and God?
There's been nothing of substance to write because there's been nothing fresh in my spirit. God is good but what I get at church and talking to my friends isn't enough.
It's my doing, I've been hanging on and "handling" my stuff all by myself, as if I had any control or capablity in fixing overwhelming circumstances. I can't give myself favor...tonight I'm getting on my face. I can't stay this nasty negative swamp of a person even for the rest of today.
My friend Rachael talked a bit of it out with me tonight and she said I was just in a funk and it will pass, I understand and agree. The funks or ruts come and they go but I think the greatest thing is how long will we stay in them.
Matthew Barnett, senior pastor of the Dream Center in Los Angeles, preached at Soul Central tonight and he said the "devil will love to steal your fire for long periods." It may have been only a few weeks of mounting "funk" but enough is enough and it's time to pick myself up let it go and get on with the fire of life.
At the end of the day I know where I want to go and how badly I want to get there. I have a choice, to stay here in my funk- angry moving to bitterness or I have the choice to dust off, surrender, and trade my funk for God's fire. It's up to me.
Tonight if you are finding yourself in a funk be encouraged to know we all go through them, no worries you are normal. Also be encouraged to know God wants to help you out of your funk more than you want out of it so let him help you. Tonight I was really honest with God, I told him I was so angry all the time and I didn't know why. I can't say there's been any HUGE revelation or release yet since my honest surrender of a bad attitude but here's a post and I honestly have no idea where it came from. All I can say is His grace is suffcient.
Amen.
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