From Rocky with Love

I have sort of a husky voice one might say; when I get tired or just wake up I have what I call “morning man voice.” One of my friends says I sound like Rocky Balboa, real flattering isn’t it? YO ADRIENNE! Today I guess I am hitting a new depth in the vocals as two of my friends on the phone said they could hear the tired in my voice. It baffles me how larger-than-life life feels right now, it’s been big things one right after another, and my tiredness exacerbates any situation. I am fairly self-aware, and I know myself well enough to know I must be a good steward of my sleep for me to effectively manage my emotions.

That being said today was a big day, and when you top that with tired for me, hold on to your socks folks it’s gonna be a bumpy ride. I have to pick a friend up really late tonight and drop them at the airport really early, effectively wiping out any decent sleep on an already exhausted day, and that’s all before work tomorrow. I was on the phone with my friend Angie, a single mom of three who is one of my heroes, and she said she would be praying for me to find some refreshment and for me to take a bit of time tonight and find some rest and refreshment. I haven’t even had to do that yet.

Circumstances of late have caused some tremors in my faith. Never not believing but a couple of times in the last two weeks I have literally had to step back and say, “God I just don’t understand this one.” You know those things where you have been praying and praying for something and things are finally starting to break through, then something comes and T-bones it scattering debris everywhere and all you can do is think but God?

It’s good I’ve spent a season figuring out to believe in the character of God. I have said it numerous times in the last couple of weeks, he is good! Tonight I heard a story of breakthrough for one of the situations and it literally refreshed my spirit. I was barely hanging on and then after the good report I was instantly refreshed and encouraged to know God hasn’t stopped working so I should not stop believing.

Here is my favorite part and basically the reason I am writing this post: My check book was lying on my bed face down. I rarely write checks but tonight I needed to use one, once having finished with it tossed it on my bed as I left the house. When I came in tonight, relishing in the hopeful breakthrough, it was laying where I had left it face down with the words, “I’m ALWAYS Here!” written on the back. It’s not my handwriting, no idea whose it is or why it would be on the back of my checks, but there it was. As if God himself has left me the note to remind me even in my doubt when I think, but God? He never stops working, he’s never left his post, and he’s always here.

I feel like I was left a romantic love note. He loves me so much he wanted to remind me I’m not alone, and tonight while I’m pooped, a bit raw, and literally on assignment for him, he’s not given me anything I can’t handle because he’s right here holding my burden as I hold his grace. Somehow, through his incomprehensible mercy he’s using me to show him and you know it’s exactly what I asked for, to be used.

There seems to be no clear cut way to end this as one idea unfolds a different layer of the depth of how God works, so I’ll end with this, to my friend in Boston: he sees your broken heart and he’s here mending as we go. To my friend in Georgia, he wants to fix the broken, be encouraged to know you’re not alone. To my friend in up state New York he provides and heals, and to my friends who are reading where ever you are, he’s here and involved and you aren’t only one.