Fleet of People

My mom said when I got this job I would have tired shoulders from all the people going in with me on my first day in spirit. She was right. The day I got the job, between text, instant messages, email, and phone I probably had to tell 60 people. As each new thing has come to pass, from my own direct line at my desk, title, and my first paycheck I’ve had a fleet of people to tell.

It is interesting to me I have been struggling so deeply with worth and value. I really came to the revelation deep down there are some areas that do not believe what I thought they believed. I guess I have always been working out this feeling by trying to be good enough. I’m thankful for the people who really love me and aren’t afraid to show me this area of weakness which God was raising up to let me let him fill. It has been like a love recovery. To recover the areas of my heart that feels unlovable. I’m learning to make them lovable, I have to open them up to be loved, to allow the love and not tell it no. I know I sound sort of like a hippie all this love talk, but maybe the hippies had it right. All you need is love, right? For God so loved, Jesus loved, it’s changed the world that love. Lainie told me I was talking myself right out of receiving it. Annoying to have to hear when I guess I wanted to wallow a bit, but she was right. It’s my choice to believe if I am lovable or not. Pattee keeps listening to the same story every other day. Listening to me work out the lowest parts of the secrets I’m acknowledging. She even told me tonight, this is where life gets real. She’s stealing my lines, that one she is, and using them on me!

I know God loves me because he chose me. He didn’t have to, but he did. I don’t really know where I’m going with this today. I guess I want to encourage you. I want you to know that whatever inside you're working out, you aren’t the only one doing it. I want to encourage you not to give up. Whatever it is you are working through, letting go, picking up, or putting down, I am too and you aren’t the only one. I want to encourage you to know it’s gonna be worth it. I know this because I know God’s character which is innately good and perfect. I want to remind you he says he has good plans for you, he’s seeking to prosper and fulfill your ache, who else is saying that about you? I want you to know I’m working out my own crap too, it’s ugly and messy, super unflattering, and so vulnerable, but I need you to hold and push through because your next breakthrough could just be the cause that effects mine!

I guess I want to remind you, we’re all in this together. I have 60 people I have to tell whenever something major in my world shifts, they do life with me. Now you do life with me.

Thanks for coming. It’s less lonely with you here.