Its 1:15 in the afternoon on a Tuesday and I’m dressed for work writing as I wait for my car, Barbie, to be repaired. I have been working on getting her fixed for the last week and this morning she finally decided enough was a enough and took a break right on the side of the road. Needless to say my morning has been stressful. It’s amazing what a rabbit hole of negativity my head can be on days where my emotions try to wear the pants in this family. A year and a half ago I had a crush and my friend Joy told me in the midst of it I was capable of controlling my emotions. It was hard, but I could do it. Ever since then I have put this truth into hard practice. Today is one of those days.
It amazes me how everything can feel as if it’s spiraling down on you. Really, in the long view of things, how big of a deal is it I have to drain the savings I have been working so hard to obtain, to fix a car with a payment, I am grateful for but don’t really like? It really isn’t. It won’t be like this forever, today is just a day and it’s not the long view of my life. But man, somewhere in there my mind had me spun out almost in tears over so many ridiculous lies. It’s amazing to me how from an unforgiving morning of circumstance, the lies start to encompass every part of my life! I am thankful I have come to a place where I have learned to balance my emotions better. I am not being run by them, I refuse to give into them, and it’s a nice place to be where the little goodness’ of the day reveal God’s grace. I’ve learned enough to know, where God’s grace and goodness are, his glory is smack dab in the middle of it.
The best part of the day so far is it’s warm enough outside to wear my summer uniform to work and no matter how I feel I always feel pretty in this dress. It’s also the most comfortable thing I own. My car will get fixed, money will eventually find its way back to my savings, my dad is awesome, my friends are generous and really I’m blessed beyond measure. When I see it that way I feel peace, something I am getting used to learning how to find – To accept it. By controlling my emotions I am able to surrender to peace. I sort of sink into it, like when you are sinking down into a warm tub. Inside, where my nervous stirs, sinks into a tub of grace and peace I guess is what grace feels like. I just learned it’s always been there, I just had my back to it in my effort to carry it all by myself.
Never follow the white rabbit; his tunnels always lead deeper than is really necessary to follow. We make the choice of where we set our focus. We choose our route on this journey; people who make it to the end keep their focus on the end, not the stuff on the sides. Stay focused, mind your course, find the peace and remember there is lots of possibility in a day if you just choose to see it.
Its 2:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday now, I’m dressed for work and I still am writing as I wait for my car, Barbie, to be repaired. I’m getting frustrated to be honest. Work is looking further and further away today. However, grace has allowed it not to be too hectic of a day at work and it’s good my car is getting fixed and there is a light at the end of the tunnel with this ordeal. From where I sit I can see his glory in the place I sit inside. Rested and certain it’s all ok. Nothings changed. God’s still good, his mercies are still new every morning, the day has loads of possibility within it and tomorrow will be here soon enough. So there you go.
Yeah, so there you go.
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