I’m going to be really honest here. So much so I’m really hoping certain people won’t read it, but I don’t know how to tell you the beautiful part of this story with out telling you the dirty part too. I haven’t been to the gym since August 1 and I was starting to pick up some of my bad eating habits. Now, I have stayed active and done some work outs but I have not been diligent with it. There were some circumstances but somewhere about mid-September I started telling myself I had to make a priority in my finances and my time to get back to the gym. Let’s be honest, If I didn’t it was always going to be something. Last week I decided enough-was-a-enough and I wasn’t happy. I hadn’t gained any weight, even when shopping in New York, I was buying smaller sizes. I just didn’t feel good. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to continue to buy the smaller sizes if I didn’t get back to my work out regimen and back to my lifestyle change.
Insert a bunch of emotional and sarcastic internal garbage and we come to…If I’m not happy with what I see in the mirror then I need to change it. I have the power with in me to make the choices that will change the way I feel about what I see when I look in the mirror lately. I was really happy a month ago, so if I’m not happy now, I am responsible for fixing that. I think we have a lot more control over our “happiness” than we realize. I just talked to a friend about fighting condemnation today and I have been in a sparring match with myself the last two weeks doing the same thing. So today I went to the gym and I joined it. I then came home and did a yoga session on my cable on demand because I needed some really good stretching today for my back. I did something. I find it funny how condemnation can keep you in the same spot. It paralyzes you, pinning you down by sitting on your chest showing you just what you don’t want to see. If I get up though, it has no where to sit.
When I start to understand how to really renew my mind, change my actions, and see different results; I really understand a multitude more about my life. I understand change is real and I can do it. I surprise myself when I start to see the changes I am seeing and mostly because I decided to stop believing I never would change. There is power in the little things. Signing up for the gym and doing some stretches may not be a three hour work out where I burn nine billion calories, but it is where I pick back up and continue on my journey. There is sweet relief when you find your way back on the path you were meaning to go, when you thought for sure you were lost for good.
It wasn’t a lot but it was something. Tomorrow I will get off work come home and change, and at seven I will be in my first class at my new gym. This lifestyle change is real. I am really changing. I can honestly say I’ve never come this far before, I don’t really mean physically but in the mental commitment of it. I have never picked myself up, dusted myself off and got back on track in this area so quickly before. I’m so happy to know my character has changed and as it is changing the rest of me is changing too. What was sick is being healed, what was scared is growing confidant, and what is coming is attainable and I’m so thankful for grace.
PS If you are new to the blog I suggest earlier posts, Investment and Fat Kid.
2 comments:
Good stuff Hot Stuff!! I am proud of you and can definitely relate on a different aspect ~ thanks for sharin' :) .. & when you get in the gym and feel like it's too hard remember that we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us... never wait to "feel like" going to the gym ~ I go when I feel exhausted and sometimes it takes me a while to get out of the car to go in BUT eventually I will make my way in and JUST DO IT:)! God Bless!
I really enjoyed this post Ginny!
You sound so much like me in this one. Here I am paying $40 a month for a gym membership that I never use! I did when I first got it and the days that I do go and feel good about doing it I tell myself I need to do this everyday ...somehow I loose focus and stop getting in the car and driving to the gym ... your right though if I want to be happy with my body again and be healthy and fit it's all in my control.
<3
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