When I extend grace, I tangibly feel the extension of grace over my own life. I used to pray in vain for God to see my heart and then show it to me. I just recently got to a place where I trust my own heart. I don't hear the lies too much anymore trying to sway me from my performance-based relationship with God. Now I know my heart is all in. I am fully convinced and though it took me what seems like forever to get here – here I am. Fully aware this season of expansion holds within it the next seed of contraction. It doesn't matter though. No matter what comes in life I'm fully convinced. I dreamed of getting to this place and trust me I'm not arrived by any means but I am confident in my relationship with Christ and satisfied with knowing I'm always going to be growing.
Some how by seeing my own heart it has helped me see the heart of others. I had a situation this week where I was motivated by what I saw in the heart of another rather than what was coming out of the mouth, but I was angry. I learned through it a couple of things. I thought about all the dumb stuff I do. I do a LOT. I thought about each time I laughed at something I shouldn't, had a petty girl moment, or just failed to give my best at any given moment. Sure, there are things in my life God would have reason to get angry with me, I'm his kid, it's what kids do. Somehow the cross absorbs the anger. If the cross can absorb the anger of GOD how much more can it absorb my own? By looking at the heart of this situation I somehow filtered it through the cross which changed my perspective.
I can march around singing LOVE PEOPLE passing out free hugs all I want, but if I'm not putting it into practice when it's hard to love them what good am I? I say dumb stuff all the time. I hurt feelings, embarrass, and wound. I'm human and I have a strong tongue. I eat a lot of humble pie and thankfully as I grow, I don't have to eat as much. I do know what it's like though, and I remember the grace extended to me. How in the world could I ever be too "grown" to not have to extend grace? It's humbling for me to think about honestly. I don't deserve it and yet, I swim in it. I'm no better than anyone else and who am I to deny someone to swim with me? I learned a lot about the grace over my own life by making a choice to extend it someone else. It changed my heart. It's a powerful revelation – grace…and I bet it's deeper still.
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Just when I needed to hear it the most...timing is everything...just everything!!
I wish it would absorb this anger I'm feeling toward someone. The anger and hurt I have is affecting me in every area of my life and bringing me down...I would love nothing more than to extend "grace" to this person, but I'm guessing I don't really have my mind wrapped around this concept.I feel light years away from that kind of love because of the damage in my life. How does someone who can't trust or doesn't know how to trust because of insecurities get past.I don't know. I don't know. Hopefully time will show this to me.
Dear 3rd Anonymous...I was really angry with someone over the summer. This person was hurting me in an area that was a deep wiring within me and it was starting to affect my spirit. Then I realized it had too much power over my life and how great to incapacitate me by leaving me sitting in anger and hurt. I decided NOTHING was allowed to touch my spirit! NOTHING.
I know it's hard to let some stuff go but I want to encourage you to look deeper...I have started asking myself, Why does this hurt so bad? What is it about it that makes me so angry? It's hard to get that deep inside yourself and really look at the roots of those insecurities. I don't have all the answers but I do know with good people in my world who help me look at things, a heart I MAKE stay open and teachable, and God who wants to heal me all this garbage is getting put away one day at a time.
You can do it. Keep pushing. Tell yourself over and over again you choose to forgive. Ask God to help you do it and sometimes that's all I need. I make the choice and then leave it in God's hands and somehow along the way his grace changes my heart.
I'm praying for you and believing for you. It's time to let the hurt and insecurity stop controlling your life and for you to walk in freedom. Hold tight. It'll come!
amen
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