Faith Walks

I have to meet with women that are further along in their faith walks than I am. Women who are in a different season and have chartered these waters I brave, helping me navigate the rapids. Sometimes I just need to sort all the stuff in my head and have someone say what is what.

Today I did that. I sat with one of the best women I know who has been a point person in pivotal moments along my upward winding heaven bound road. A lot has been going on. There have been outside circumstances mounting upon each other, all culminating at the passing of my very elderly, very wonderful grandmother to whom I was very close.

This week, as I took time to settle with the loss, I could feel the prompting of the Holy Spirit. I could tell in all the pressure there was something in it I was supposed to get. I started asking God the other day what it was. It was just too much pressure inside me for there not to be something I needed to identify or release.

Today at a coffee shop outside in the gorgeous day we were having I had some revelation to the prompting. One of the breakthroughs I had in this revelation came in the ability to painfully confess I need to feel significant and I matter. I have always felt that way since I was a little girl. I don’t ever remember a time not longing for something bigger and grander. It spurs me on to bigger dreams but causes me to miss key moments and wallow in a lie the I don't matter enough.

After this confession my faithful friend looked at me and smiled. First she affirmed me. She let me know I wasn’t crazy and I was normal. She also reminded me there are negatives to every strength, I will find the balance and it won’t last forever. She confirmed true faith walks SUCK and are painful! She also confirmed it as a weakness to work on and a good place to be.

I agree with her. This idea is unfolding and my room mate can attest to the grand scale of the entire revelation. I think she can already see it brimming with the places this breakthrough will take me and those around me.

The best part of it all though, is right before I sat down for the meeting I had a message to my phone of a facebook alert from a girl friend I’ve not spoken with in a few months. She just wanted to let me know she was thinking about me. On the way home I received a text message from Megan saying that she loved me and hoped I was having a good day. I realized I have been seeking the “significance” to be affirmed in other venues. Even today like book ends to the conversation; God reminds me I am significant by having the two women I was able to pray with in the last six months to make choices for Jesus contact me and let me know to them I matter. The first two people I’ve ever really done that with and them our time together had a life and death impact. They both chose life and God used my life to show them how to do that. I think that’s significant.

I believe God did that strategically to shift my thoughts and order them; to gain perspective and truth. My dream to live a life of significance and influence is a good God dream that honors and glorifies him, but I need to realize and recognize what he thinks as significance and what his idea of influence is.

Perspective, focus, and renewing the mind. Here is where the ordinary day meets an extraordinary God and I am already in a new wave of change.

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